Introduction

Would it be at all shocking to you, to hear and learn that as many as ONE THIRD of families in the USA today,  are headed up by a single parent (both male and female representatives)?

Personal circumstance, divorce, abandonment, even death, leaves the main custodial, remaining parent having to cope with all the care-giving, nurturing, role-modeling, challenges, rewards, obstacles and joys meant for a partnership of TWO! It can be overwhelming and wonderful, nightmarish and extremely tough – all at once. This practical, hands-on guide will take an overview of some of these and offer advice that can be used EVERY DAY!

(i) Why a book on the Rewards and Challenges of Single Parents?

Few parents are really prepared for dealing with the aftermath of the loss of a partner,  let alone a fellow parent, regardless of the cause.

Oftentimes feelings of desperation, being overwhelmed and stressed out, are very typical. Single parenting demands are nothing to snuff at, they can seem like insurmountable challenges and steep hills to climb on any given day! THEY  ARE NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED…

The challenges are very real! Luckily, so are the rewards. Yes, there are two sides to this coin! YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE AND BE A SUCCEESSFUL SINGLE PARENT. With the handy tips, suggestions and recommendations in this e-book you will discover the joys and secrets of single parenting.

Here are just some of the major, initial challenges most single parents face :
(NOTE: you might actually recognize a few already or be able to add a couple of your very own…)

• Coping with loss (of a partner, lover, friend and fellow-parent)
  
  
• Assuming additional roles and responsibilities (being everything to everyone)
  
  
• Enabling and Adjusting to the new role and circumstances
  
  
• Providing continuity and avoiding disruption for the children and family
  
  
• Helping children cope with the situation, loss and circumstance
  
  
• Dealing and coping with own emotions and changed condition
  
  
• Battling societal prejudice and stigma of single-parent homes and care-giving
  
  
• Adequate care and fostering the needs of the children
  
  
• Maintaining self-confidence in the eyes and judging of others (stereotyping)
  
  
• Feelings of doubt, low self-esteem and inadequacy
  
  
• Balancing effective parenting with career (work/home) life
  
  
• Time and financial constraints
  
  
• Dealing with the rest of the family, step family, new romantic interests, dating and support networks

Here are some of the strategies that can help you right away as a single parent on this road/path/journey ahead:

• Learn to speak directly WITH your children NOT at them
  
  
• Loving, consistent discipline with tough rules that matter and are the same day-to-day, providing security in uncertainty are essential – communicate and execute them well in all that you do and attempt.
  
  
• Clear communication and firm decision-making will lead the way for and in your new family unit.
  
  
• Multi-tasking and managing many different things, roles and responsibilities all by yourself and sometimes all at once too!
  
  
• Making every second count and working SMARTER, not HARDER!
  
  
• Doing more with less really counts!
  
  
• Being a committed parent EVERY MOMENT, taking all responsibility for attention and care of their children
  
  
• YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO/TRY IT ALONE! Use and call on support and reaching out to others will keep you sane

This social and societal reality we refer to as SINGLE PARENTING - that we increasingly find ourselves in – can be highly intricate and quite complex. It deals with social, emotional and even economic pressures that needs and demands, help and support.

This guide is intended to assist single parents in their plight and challenges and focus on some real-life issues, answers and solutions to help them rebuild, live and enjoy their lives to its fullest potential.

This book came to be, for the situations and circumstances,  challenges and rewards surrounding single parenting is real, complex and needs to be addressed with some practical solutions that fit, work and last.

(ii) Some introductory definitions…

• Who is really in question here?

When we are dealing with single parenting, the parties involved are what we will call the sole custodian parent and the children, as well as the different networks and contexts they find themselves in. This can include families on both sides, grandparents, school and neighborhood, friends and acquaintances.

• What and whom are single parents, as individuals, as a group? What do we mean by ‘single parenting’?

They are the ones facing a new situation, reality and challenge, maybe even new physical surroundings and come drastic changes. By themselves, on their own, as the head of the house, the main/sole parent.

The single parent can be male or female and the reasons for being a single parent may vary greatly too. How they got to be single parents and the entry routes and reasons may differ, but the challenges are the same.

They are the ones effectively left with the task of sole parenting and all related roles and responsibilities.  The lone caretaker and sole supporter. This is single parenting. Also, for example teenage girls who get/are pregnant and opt to keep the baby, not abort or marry the father.

(iii) Why the dual focus rewards and challenges?

The challenges and rewards of single parenting are intricately interwoven. They are like flipsides of the same coin.

There are different stages in this process of becoming, living, functioning and thriving as a single parent:

• It starts out with a situational assessment and reality check. FACING FACTS AND REALITY: Transitioning into being a single parent
  
  
• GETTING PRIORITIES IN PLAY AND PLACE: Structuring and organizing the new family unit, circumstance and surroundings
  
  
• FUNCTIONING AS A FAMILY: Fostering relationships and bond, trust, honesty, disciplines, roles and responsibilities etc.
  
  
• SOCIETY AND SUPPORT: school, family, friends, dating,  family management
  
  
• DEALING WITH SPECIFICS: Death, Divorce, Abandonment

Others depict this process as a gradually unfolding series of events in which parents must:

• Master new demands
  
  
• Help children cope and thrive (despite change, loss and adjustment)
  
  
• Coping themselves and on their own
  
  
• Moving from old to new context and reality (even uncertainty)

This is a work in progress and it will take time.

TWO KEY STEPS THAT HAVE TO BE TAKEN ARE:

Breaking with the old on the one hand, and Getting on with the new on the other. The first deals with the emotional side and the empathic responses, whilst the second deals more with direction and strategic aspects of the single parenting, road ahead.

(i) Breaking with the old

This would mean that the single parent has to at the very least take the time and effort to…

• Address hurt and pain, loss and/or betrayal, abandonment etc.
  
  
• Dealing with very real feelings and emotions like denial, anger and protect self/children from pain, trying to focus on the positive and the memories
  
  
• Giving each other some space to work through it in their own way
  
  
• Ensure self and children are emotionally ready to confront the reality (old and new)
  
  
• Not trying to hold on, allowing to be mourning or grieve
  
  
• Help wounds to heal (own and those of the children)
  
  
• Not feel guilty or inadequate, no blaming

(ii) Getting on with the new

• Accepting and embracing the new situation and life in general
  
  
• Reject
  
  
• Accommodate and understand
  
  
• Allow room for everyone, individually and collectively to deal with this in his/her own way

OLD		NEW
Known	è	Unknown
Certainty/secure	è	Uncertainty/ non-secure
Old and valued	è	New and Different
Moving out	è	Moving on/in
Away from	è	Towards

Always remember that NO TWO PEOPLE ARE THE SAME. EACH OF OUR JOURNEYS AND PATHS ARE DIFFERENT. WE GO AT IT AT OUR OWN PACE…

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